It is your turn now!

Where are you in my darkness

How can you be my light?

How can we talk of guidance

When all I see is night? 

My worries I give

And the life I have to live

It is your turn now

Your turn now.

building on lies....

I like when people are open and vulnerable. Then how come I am never so myself? Why am I so afraid for people to see the real me? What is it I fear? Is rejection really any worse than isolation? I know so many people on the surface, yet there is just a couple who knows a tiny bit of my inner mess. 

I am not shallow,- just scared!

a thirteen year old author

I used to love to write... But somewhere along the way I was hit by the seriousness of life, the requirements of genre, and my desire to please various teachers and people whom I respected. And my writing lost its edge. Got boring. Wonder if I am able to dig out this thirteen year old, fearless, genre-mixing author, who made people think, laugh or even cry at times. Like a turtle she hid somewhere inside herself, waiting for a safe time to get back out there... well, its been more than a decade. Maybe the time is now?

Turning point....

I´m headed in the wrong direction. And quite frankly I enjoy the ride. But how can I turn without knowing where to? Maybe a just need to stop for a bit? Check and recheck direction? Ask for advice....

You can´t wear yesterday´s make up at todays party. Today requires something new. Something fresh. I just wish it was clear to me... 

Have I forgotten to move forward in my comfortability? Is comfortability even a word? (This English spelling is driving me nuts...)

Fear

Looks like a shadow without a source,

sounds like a knife on the dinner plate,

feels like  swallowing fishbones,

smells like burning plastic. 

Fear.

The source

Where can I find the source of  courage? - trade the darkness for the light?

To whom will I go to buy the freedom, - to get the strength to win this fight?

Who defines me, who I am, my audience is where?

Tell me how to make the changes needed in this sphere.

Is there weapons for this battle I will have to find?

Who is for and who´s against this victory in my mind?

And who is he, the source of fear, at work both day and night?

Fighting with the source of truth, like black is fighting white.

Can I seek refuge somewhere, to escape this source of black?

Can any guide lead me away, or through this ongoing attack?

Where can I find the peace, and the pastures where I can rest?

Will someone be there to provide me with the strength to pass this test?

On the water where he was walking, and fear would pull him down,

Was it looking to the source of courage that caused him not to drown?

When will I see the answers, to the things that I seek and pray?

Is the source now gone, or is it on the water with me today?

Expecting the unexpected!

Yesterday a prayed a prayer, and did not at all expect an answer to it... So when I did get one, I must have looked like I just fell of the moon. How stupid is that, praying as if God does not listen? Not to say that we will have all our prayers answered the way we pray, but still the least we can do is to be open for the possibility. To believe that the God we pray to has all power, and that nothing is impossible to Him. So today I decided to thank God that this is a day where I can expect his interference and expect the unexpected.